Finding “INNER KNOWING” after relational trauma
A common theme in therapy when working with individuals that have experienced relational trauma is a disconnection with self. This disconnection with self leads to an inability to identify needs, values and a sense of belonging. The inability to identify needs and vocalize boundaries can lead to a constant state of anxiety, depression and over-all “unsettledness”, for lack of a better term.
You might think, “Well, maybe it’s not relational trauma, maybe it’s my fault that I struggle to connect with others and know who I am. I just need to work harder”, in response to the statement above.
This is a common roadblock that we experience in therapy, the inner voice that takes on blame to accommodate for the surrounding environment or individuals in our lives that have caused us pain. When the reactions of those around us are scary, big or demeaning, it is sometimes safer to blame ourselves. This inner voice is a protective mechanism, and over time, it can cause more harm than good.
Relational trauma is the ongoing abuse, neglect or enmeshment that can occur within any type of relationship. It is not a one time event in a relationship but an ongoing dynamic and behavior that impacts our abilities to show up authentically within a relationship. We oftentimes have to mold and shape ourselves to meet the other person’s needs in order to protect our inner self.
Relational trauma impacts our psyche/soul. I like to relate the impact to a silicon bowl that has been microwaved one too many times and has lost it’s shape, stability and strength. We know that it is a bowl, but it has lost it’s true original purpose and has been worn down.
So how do we reconnect with our “inner knowing”? How do we relate back to our pysche/soul/being? Here is a place to start:
We slow down.
We learn to say, “no”. We practice boundaries.
We surround ourselves with people who honor who we are and celebrate what we can bring to the table.
We ask for help from trusted people.
Hope is never lost. No matter how far down the road you are in the opposite direction from who you truly are, you can always turn back. You can always reconnect with yourself. It is never too late.
